All I want for christmas is my two front teeth. And a ps3!

During Thanksgiving I finally had "the talk" with my parents. Its something that has been bothering me for YEARS but I never knew how to bring it up. I hate to be wasteful! So I finally told my parents not to buy me any more clothes for Christmas! My dad shops at BJs for gifts. And its not just that, its the styles they pick out. And while I appreciate the thought its just wasteful to let someone keep buying things you will never use! So I gently mentioned to them that if they were thinking of buying me any clothes, I'd prefer if they not! lol. Didn't go over very well. We came to a compromise that they could get me work clothes, if they wanted.

SO I started thinking about it and I'm going to compile a short list of things I want Santa (or anyone else!) to get me for Christmas. Nothing too fancy, but just a few things I actually need. I'll probably end up buying them for myself if Santa lets me down again. :) I've also attached a Christmas song I wrote a while ago. I REALLY wish I could either re-sing it, or they would have auto tuned it! lol. I cringe a little hearing it but what the heck!



Click here to dl it directly if it doesn't work.

My list:

Head phones - any non in-ear headphones. Not too bulky!
Digital TV Tuner w/Antenna (link)
Apple Keyboard (link)
Set of Dumbbells (link)
Ties (no paisley, plx)


That's all I can think of right now! Feel free to get me a ps3 tho! or this watch in black. haha. ;P

Denial is my enemy

I need to face things head on and eradicate problems in my life! I give in way too easily to denial. Its very juvenile to think problems will just go away on their own. I'm striving to be more proactive and search them out.

I have a lot of things I want to accomplish, and I need to start working towards them a little each day. Not much going on at work today so I'm going to work on a list of long term goals for myself. You have to dream it first, before it can ever come true! Putting it on paper will hopefully make it clear what I want out of life.

There are two goals I have that would make me very proud, and happy when I accomplish them. One, which has been a LIFETIME goal I've had for myself, is to be in exceptional shape. I've been going to the gym about 3-4 times a week for the last month or so and I can see some results starting to take shape. My workout is usually 30 minutes of cardio, preferably on the tread mill, and then I hit the machines and focus on key areas of my body like chest, abs, arms, and back. The goal would be to lose about 30lbs and keep lifting to tone up. A big part of this is my diet. While my diet is generally good, I need to cut down on my portions at dinner.

Someone asked me recently if I had hit my goal weight, which kind of shocked me! To me, I'm still far from my goal body. But realistically, I could be 3-4 months away from realizing this goal! It is attainable!

When things get me down, I try to remember that every day is a new opportunity. Gotta focus on today to make tomorrow great!

I'm a water snake

It's hard to believe its been almost a year already that I've been living in my apartment! Which also means it was a year ago that I sold my house. I spent 4 years living in the ghetto and fixing up that house, and I kinda miss it! Sure my neighborhood is way better now, and my comute is super easy..but I really liked living in a house over an apartment. Privacy, space, and actually owning something can't be beat! Plus I like doing projects, and working to improve things. I'm a DIY kinda guy.

Just briefly, Here's a list of things I did to that house (with help, of course!):
totally new kitchen (cabnets, floors, appliances, drop ceiling)
New hardwood floors in dining room
Sand and finish hardwood in living and dining rooms
Drop ceiling in dining room
New floor in bedroom
paint
built a tool box/seat

Crazy! I honestly don't know if I'd do it again. The end result was definitely positive but so much of my time and energy was spent on the house in those first few years. And the neighborhood totally sucked! The sad thing is none of the projects needed to be done, because the new owner plans to tear it all down.

But now that my lease is coming up, I'm looking at moving into a new apartment. I love the location of my place, but the layout has become very annoying. Its a railroad style apartment, which by itself isn't bad, but its very narrow. makes it hard to have people over. The other issue is that its freezing cold in the winter!

I'm going to call a real estate agent today to talk to them about looking at some apartments, but I'll never forget the first house I ever owned!

I really like the beatles, but...

..they are totally the "Kiss" of '60s rock and roll. Don't get me wrong, they are great..but I feel like a lot of the credit and accolades they get, is because they were the first to do things. Which by itself, is a big accomplishment. You definitely give them MORE credit because they took things to the next level, and inspired a generation or musicians, etc etc etc. but they sell every piece of junk they can slap a Beatles logo on! Sheesh!

Anyway, in honor of the Beatles ROCK BAND (I really think it wouldnt have happened had JL not been assasinated..) here's me singing a song they covered.

I hate being a Gemini

Well that's not totally true. At times I hate it..like now! I'm very wishy washy. I guess you can say I'm a dreamer and eternal optimist. I jump from idea to idea, and I'm kinda sick of it. A positive spin would be that its good to keep your options open, and have a lot of interests but, it sucks to be so into something one day, and then lose interest, or divert that interest to something new when an idea comes along. I want to master EVERYTHING! Oh well, all I can do is keep trying.

Example:
Last night I watched a bunch of video tutorials on iphone app development. I was all about flash, and I still do want to learn it as a career, but iphone apps are where the money's at! I've never paid a single penny for a flash game, or app, but I've spent plenty (not really) on iphone apps! I think I originally gravitated towards flash because I thought it was going to be easy to work with, and while they do make it relatively easy, its basically like learning a programming language anyway. So I'm planning on taking some courses at some point this fall/winter. I also found a company that will build your iphone app idea, and share 25% of the profits with you! I might send of an idea or two and see if they have any interest. They said really hot apps can generate $10,000 A DAY..so that would be $2500 for just having a cool idea.

Another Gemini trait I have that's annoying is that I'm too available, and try too hard to make things work. gotta stick to my schedule, and if it works out, it works out!

One day soon I'll write about all the wonderful gemini characteristics I have! hahah.

The Week that was.

Been doing a lot of thinking recently about my future, and where I want to go..makes my brain hurt! For all the successes I've had in life (and I've had a few!), there's still so much more to do! Which is cool! I'm always optimistic about life, and the future because its open and limitless. So anyway, I got one of those retirement papers your employer sometimes sends out? Basically they spell out when you're eligible to retire, and what kind of salary you'll be receiving when you do retire. Its sorta depressing, and highlights the importance for me to get the eff outta here and do something BIG. So according to this paper, I'll be RELEASED from my job/prison to DIE an old man in 2042. TWENTY FRAKIN FORTY TWO!! That's sick!

I was off last week, and did some pretty cool things. I rarely go away on vacation, but as I just told someone here at work, any day away from the office is a vacation..

On Tuesday we went to 6 Flags Great Adventure! I love roller coasters! Introduced to me on last year's trip to 6flags, the Flash pass (or Q-bot) is a little on the expensive side (an extra $50 on top of the cost to just get in the door), but make NO mistake about it..it is COMPLETELY worth it. $50 buys you the most valuable thing you have in life..your time! You significantly reduce the time spent waiting on lines! You can ride every roller coaster you want (and ride them multiple times!!). Definitely get the Flash pass if you go to 6flags.

Anyway, we had a great time. We did the Safari, which I don't think I've ever done before. I enjoyed it! We saw elephants, bears diarrheaing in the woods, tons of birds, and my personal favorite the ostrich. Ostriches have crazy eyes, and really look like they could fck you up.

As far as rides, Nitro was tops..no question! It's long, fast, and has awesome drops. Esp at night, Nitro is KING! Probably the new Bizarro ride (Medusa) is probably my 2nd favorite. They added some new features (fire and mist!), but its basically the same. Kingda Ka is awesome..I actually opened my eyes this time! But its so short, and crazy fast its over before you know it.



Other than the rides, I had a great time just walking around and hanging out with friends.

Then on Wednesday I saw Weezer and Blink182 at PNC. I have to admit, I'm a big fan but..I was kind of dreading this concert.. But overall it turned out pretty cool. We got lucky and someone gave us their seats so we moved all the way near the stage. This was AWESOME for weezer, who were really great, but Blink182 was so horrible most of the time. They can't sing, and were super loud. They were rambling and trying to be "cute" between songs, and their guitars were very metal zonish. We also missed the opening band Taking Back Sunday, because someone in our party got caught in bad traffic on the parkway. I love going to concerts, but traffic, parking, and the abundance of frat boy assholes really takes away from the experience. When we win the lottery, I will only take a helicopter or limo to concerts. Or pay bands to play in my backyard.

I forget what I did on Thursday.

Friday we had a gig at Connolly's in NYC. Personally, it was one of my better performances..ever! Overall the band sounded great as well! Going into friday, I'd been working on some things, and my goal was to really be in control of my playing, and be focused on my place in the song. It's such a good feeling to challenge yourself, and then accomplishing your goal! I was on a high Friday night!

Saturday night I had the chance to go see District 9, but decided to stay in and watch the Jets. Although the jets won, I wish I had seen the movie...I hate staying home on weekend nights! blahhhh.

Sunday I went to the gym, walked a couple dogs at the shelter, and then had band practice down in Neptune. Driving back traffic was hectic for a good 20 minutes, but then cleared up. I hate when there's no reason for traffic! If I have to go 2 miles per hour, there better be some horrible accident (with no one being hurt, of course!) or a brush fire!

One issue I have right now is that, as I've written about previously, I'm attempting to raise my personal standards as far as what's acceptable in my life, and what I expect of myself..and unfortunately not everyone has the same outlook or standards. Or they just don't see things the way I do.. So I have to really think hard about what to do, but one thing I'm sure of, is that I will not compromise or go backwards!

Good times bad times, you know i had my share.

I'm in a glass case of emotions! haha. I went from high to low to high this weekend! Friday I went to the who wants to be a millionaire audition/test and unfortunately didn't do well enough to win a date with Meredeth! the test was multiple choice and a general knowledge quiz. Very similar to what you see on the show, but here's one of the questions I remember:


Bora bora and Tora Bora are how many miles apart:
a. 9.6 miles
b. 96 miles
c. 960 miles
d. 9600 miles

Of course I didn't know, but when in doubt I chose b. Overall, I think I did fairly well (maybe 5 wrong), actually, but from talking to some of the other hopefuls, you can only get about 3 questions wrong to pass. The room was full of about 100 or so people, and only about 5 made it. I have a tendency to assume the best, and when it doesn't go my way, i get a lil emo for a hot second or two, but by the time i got home I was feeling better.

Then I get a call from my brother and he needs my help ($). Of course it comes at a time where my finances are struggling..still waiting for that big bag of money to drop from the sky! grrr. but being the proud asshole that I am, I have to help him. I think subconsciously it makes me feel superior, and in general I just don't like showing weakness to people. After meeting up with him, I really didnt have anything else to do. And I really hate doing nothing on the weekend nights. It makes me feel like a loser, which is one of the worst parts of being single. if only I could be like so many other people out there and learn to settle. boo (not really!) for having standards.

Then Saturday I spent most of the day doing some chores and some exercising. During the night time we played a gig at a bar in jc, which was a lot of fun. I realized something recently about my playing, and that is, for me at least, mistakes don't come from not knowing what to play, because I certainly practice enough and know the parts..they come from a lack of focus while playing. I have to really work harder on concentrating on what I'm playing, and realize where we are in the song, and what comes next. As well as break down all the songs and really tear them apart. In general I was pretty happy with performance, but its those 4 or 5 notes over the course of 10 songs that screw with my head. Eliminating these mistakes will really go along way to feeling better about myself. I've been reading a lot on general music theory, and I feel I've made a lot of progress in putting together the missing pieces, as well as just getting a better feel for playing. I'm not the type that can just believe something works, I like to know how and why they work. knowledge is powerrr!

Then today, I made the trek down to south jersey to visit my parents for a few hours prior to Run Robot practice. My brother was also down there, and the tension was running hot! I commented at one point "is it always like this when you come down here?" it was pretty unpleasant to be around the bickering going back and forth between my brother and dad. guys are stupid! So I said something totally gay like "we should try to enjoy our time together." haha. burrrrn. things got better after that. Its not easy dealing with my bro, he is a know it all (who really only knows a little.) My dad and mom are also not easy to take when they start with the questions and suggestions, but I'm more well adjusted then my brother and usually do a better job at not starting WWIII.

Practice was a lot of fun. We haven't had the chance this summer to practice much, so its been awhile. I was happy to see that on most of the songs we had trouble with, I was the only one who was unsure of what to play. As the writer of the song, I am less inclined to practice because its my creation! but I do need to devote some time to practicing these songs as well. we added a few old songs back into the mix, and have about 8 total now, so that should be enough to play an actual gig! Hopefully by late September that can happen. Afterwords we ate Vietnamese food, and I was sooooo happy there wasn't much traffic coming home.

Anyway! One of the songs I really like playing is called "thanks but no thanks!" Lyrics are below annnnd a clip!



here's a link if the player doesn't work:thanks but no thanks

She's all over me online
and i dont know how to stop it
without her crying

so please
leave me alone
no more text messages on my telephone

so thanks for your time
another victimless crime

and i'm taking steps to untangle
this tidy little mess i made
has really blown up in my face

i'm really not that bad
i know we'll keep in touch
but i cant see you anymore
once u walk out that back door

so please
leave me alone
no more text messages on my telephone

so thanks for your time
another victimless crime

***

oh yeah, we wound up at the Coach House diner, and a group of extremely loud and stupid people who were at the gig, also showed up to eat. They were all over 40, but acting like they were 17. It was so obnoxious and painful! White trash at its finest, really. I think the combined IQ of their group was -123. Trashy old chicks who are butterface AND butterbodies, are only beaten on the lameness scale, by middleage jersey guidos with bad tans (and grammar). this groups had BOTH in abundance.

TM FCKin I

Duuuuuude! the lady on the other side of the cube from me just said to her 15 yr old daughter "did your little friend come?" and then she repeated it and mentioned cramps. FML. and FHDL (fck her daughters life).

oh yeah

I also started a somewhat extreme diet on Sunday. In my quest to up my standards, I need to get super serious about my weight. I'm so close to achieving my goal..at least compared to where I've been..I need to really push to get there! I'm fed up with myself..which actually makes no sense. I'm controlling me!? or am I?? dun dun DUNNNN.

So my new diet consists of drinking lots of fruit juice, and smoothies, as well as eating raw vegetables, fruit, salad and soups. So far its only been one day, and I'm still standing. I went shopping yesterday and picked up a bunch of different things I can eat for the week. I do not think I can sustain this for too long, nor do I want to! So my goal is to do it till friday or saturday at the latest.

I dropped my bike off at the bike shop yesterday because it was making some clicking noises when I pedal. Hopefully they'll have it back to me by wednesday so I can get some exercise in, as well.

Buckle down, kiddd!

No-win situations

You're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't! I find myself on both sides of social situations like this all the time, and am pretty bad at navigating their tricky waters.

From one side, its hard to accept things when you think you know what's "really" going on behind people's decisions. You feel like you're being lied to, even if the other person is doing so to "protect you." From the other side, you feel like there's no way to express the truth, without offending the other person, so you take the path of either making up an excuse, or emphasising something safe that's actually true, but not really THE reason. All of these social games we play with each other seem so pointless on paper, but it's possible that many relationships would fall to pieces without them.

Depending on the person, and the situation, I try to be as real as possible. I feel people will respect your decisions more, if they know the real information behind them, even if it's unpleasant to hear. But for me, mostly I just don't like lying, and would rather people think of me as an asshole, than someone that is afraid to be real, or makes excuses.

Also, most people will believe what they THINK is going on, even if a totally plausible and realistic excuse is given..so what's the point anyway? It sucks even worse when you give the real reason, and people STILL BELIEVE their version of the truth!

All in all, I think we should all move back into caves, and shun each other totally. Its too much work to keep all of this bullshit running! lol.

what a dumb and emo day

My aunt had a mini stroke last night. She's ok but that's some scary shit. No warning signs at all.

***
Just that,” said the fox. “To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world...”
 
“I am beginning to understand,” said the little prince. “There is a flower...I think that she has tamed me...”

“It is possible,” said the fox. “On the Earth one sees all sorts of things.”

“My life is very monotonous,” the fox said. “I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-​fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . .”

The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time. “Please—tame me!” he said.

“I want to, very much,” the little prince replied. “But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand.”

“One only understands the things that one tames,” said the fox. “Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me...”

“What must I do, to tame you?” asked the little prince.

“You must be very patient,” replied the fox. “First you will sit down at a little distance from me—like that—in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day...”

The next day the little prince came back. “It would have been better to come back at the same hour,” said the fox. “If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jump­ing about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you..."

So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his depar­ture drew near—
“Ah,” said the fox, “I shall cry.”
“It is your own fault,” said the little prince. “I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . .”
“Yes, that is so,” said the fox.
“But now you are going to cry!” said the little prince.
“Yes, that is so,” said the fox.
“Then it has done you no good at all!”

“It has done me good,” said the fox, “because of the color of the wheat fields.” And then he added: “Go and look again at the roses. You will under stand now that yours is unique in all the world."
- the little prince

People are retarded

I saw something pretty disturbing yesterday. While riding my bike down near Exchange Pl, I stopped to take a break on one of the piers. Instead of sitting on a bench, I just stood near the railing and peered out into the river with manhattan standing tall on the other side. A few moments later a bunch of Canadian Geese come floating by and eventually take off from the water. One of the Geese can't seem to get airborn and is struggling mightily. At first I thought maybe a large fish had attacked the bird and was trying to drag him down under the water but as it turns out, it was man fcking with nature once again.

Some dueshbag had been fishing off the pier and the goose accidently got either tangled in the line, or somehow hooked by it's evilness. Now it's definitely not the guy's fault, but it just made me so mad what he did next. As the fisherman realizes what has happened he starts to REEL THE FUCKING GOOSE IN. As he comes closer to me, and closer to where the Bird is on my side of the pier he keeps reeling and reeling and pulling and pulling as if he just caught a tuna. I say to the guy "Are you trying to bring the goose up on the pier?? I think you're going to have to cut your line. Those things are really heavy." He ignored me and kept reeling and reeling. I say it again, and he says "yeah but I'll lose my weight and hook if I cut the line."

After a while he realizes its retarded, but he doesn't cut the line. I really wanted to call the fucking cops because I think its illegal to harm Canadian Geese (which is why they are so annoying and think they can go whereever they please.). Finally after I said it again that he's going to have to cut his line, and I mention that it's illegal to hurt these Geese, he cuts his line and storms off. One of his two bratty kids say "Hope you're happy now, Ducky."

People are retarded. Seriously, man! You really think your weight and hook is more important than hurting another living thing?? But I guess when you think about it, he was there to catch fish so I shouldn't be surprised at his attitude.


***
In other news, I am really loosing my Patience for people and their flawed personalities. Mannn everything is getting on my nerves today. I'm in a pretty shitty mood! X__x

Progress

Had a fairly uneventful few days, but also productive! I biked everyday over the weekend, and was good at controlling my diet (except last night..I ate like crazy after Barnes and Nobles). Saw some results from the last week or so and actually lost about 4lbs! It's hard to judge because my stupid weight flucuates so much day to day. Seriously on saturday morn I was 238, and today the scale said 241. But last week I was consistantly like 244, so who knows! lol.

The good news is I didnt really kill myself the last week or so, so If I can just continue with my "program," the end of august should be realistic to hit my goal. Still have to come up with a reward if I make 20lbs..hmm.

***
On Saturday I went to The Lamp Post in jersey city to see my friend's band. What a fiasco! The place is, first of all, a dump. The crowd is mostly dirty hipsters and for whatever reason, on this particular night, it was dirty hillbilly hipsters! So the band that followed Snowball37 apparently got their panties in a bunch because they wanted to play 2nd, instead of 3rd. A few songs into the set, they start booing, and heckling my friend's band. It was pretty awesome to see how Dave, sb37's singer reacted to them. Among other things he said "your mother sucks! and F*ck you" to the inbred assholes. I really did think a fight was going to break out, and I was actually prepared.

I don't know the band's name, but these guys were among the biggest dueshbags i've ever encountered. So finally Snowball finishes their set, and of course the hecklers don't have shit to say once the music stops. All of a sudden they were nice guys! Talk about no talent, no class, and no shame! Once you hear how boring and lame their music was, you wonder where they get the balls to boo anyone. They were probably one of the worst bands I've ever heard.

Rooting for you to fail

I'm not the most mature person in the world, this I'll readily admit. But Does it cross the line into vindictive and mean when you actually root for other people to fail? I think I know the answer..haha. The more mature approach would be to simply not give a damn, or to ignore whatever's going on.. It's just not always easy.

Also, I feel bad about wishing other people misfortune, in order to benefit me. I would NEVER play the saboteur role, but hoping..is harder to control! This might be little more understandable, but I still feel dumb for doing it. An example would be hoping a friend doesn't apply for the same job I am applying for, etc. I should be mature enough to say "may the best man win." but I'm not.

I definitely talk shit about people, but its only when it's deserved, and ridiculous. And i will tell them (in a nice way?) to their face, if it comes up! I'm usually the first person to give you the benefit of the doubt, and keep an open mind. But once you cross over and no longer get the benefit of the doubt, it's onnnnn.

So I hope one day to stop giving into my own petty desire to see people get theirs..and really just be able to cut people off from effecting my world.

Bullshitters beware

Had a long conversation last night with a friend, and a lot of old shit got brought up. Heh. Get ready for a rant!

I'm really sick of bullshit infesting my life. This is for the fake mfers out there. This is for all the people who have friends/family and say "You know how he is." "No more", is what I say!! Don't put up with it.

Its OK to be real, and just say what you mean. Don't try to manipulate situations, or make things go your way. life's too short to play yourself like that! Just say what you feel..don't get others to do your dirty work. Don't act like a bitch when you don't get your way. Don't sulk and cry. Grow some balls. Its OK, life will go on no matter what happens. And lastly, don't show off when you have nothing to show! Don't act like a no it all when what you know is very little!!

And I can't stand it when people act surprised or refuse to accept their role in how things played out. You are only a victim, when you make yourself the victim. We did our beds! lol. If you accept responsibility, good or bad..right or wrong..you'll at least have some respect.

End of Summer Goals.

August is here! And while that means summer will be coming to a close in a few weeks, there's still so much to do! If I want to meet my goal of losing 20lbs by labor day I'm really going to have to start getting serious about working out. I was very close to putting my gym membership on hold, but since it's already past the first of the month, and they've probably already charged me, I might as well go for this month. After writing this I'm going to put some things on the calender to remind me to workout. Even if it its only for 30 minutes or so late at night. Gotta get motivated!!

So the plan is to mix the gym in with biking, tennis, and a high protein/Low Cal diet to hopefully hit that 20lb goal! I want to reward myself with something when I do, but I'm not sure what. Maybe a bass pedal of some kind??!

I really like writing about my goals, and aspirations. I think it helps to push you to actually do the things you write about! Just gotta get the results now.

I've got game

Tennis is great game to play, and watch! I started playing tennis for fun back in my early college days. It's a very frustrating, and reminds me alot of music. what I love about both of them, is that no matter how good you get, there's always room for improvement. Which is very true of life in general! (omg no more selfhelp bs!!)

But I joined a tennis group a few weeks back and have gone a few times and have actually wound up meeting some cool people. One of them it turns out knows people that I know, and we've since become facebook friends! haha. so weird. unfortunatly she's probably going to be moving out of state somewhat soon. bummmmmmer.

But at least I have rekindled my tennis playing!

Altering reality

Identify the things that are messed up, and change them! That's also something I'm trying to do more of in my life. It's a cliche, but you really do make your own reality! So much of what is great, and horrible in life is based on perspective. Finding the silver lining can make all the difference.. (this sounds like a zodiac reading. lol)

I really believe in taking responsibility for your own life, and how you act in situations. The cool thing about doing this is your success and your failures are your own! And even if you fail more than you succeed, it's a great feeling. It's easy to look at life and say "Those are the cards I've been dealt" and relinquish control to fate, or blame the situation. But I think the reason most people do that is to make it so it's not their fault how things turn out!

I'm honestly tired of coddling people who view life this way. It's fine if you want to give up power in your life, but when that impacts me, that's when things have to be resolved. And the bad side about this way of thinking is you don't let what others do effect you. Like if someone does something effed up, and it negatively effects me, I rarely blame that person, and instead look at what I did or didn't do. Which let's that other person skate away blame free.

So I'm resolving myself to continue to take responsibility for my life, but also to hold people to certain standards when it impacts me.

*end of self help rant*

Rising up, back on the streets

I am lousy when it comes to organization and dealing with complacency. When success comes my way I have a tendency to let up. Its probably the reason why I wasn't a great athlete in high school. Physically I could have been, but that determination to be great was lacking.

I really want to cultivate that desire to be great at things. Being mediocre blows! Striving for excellence has to be a major part of my focus from now on, and this extends alllll the way to every part of my life. It's not ok to have just lost some weight, I want to be in great shape! its not enough to have a good paying job..I want a job that is fulfilling, pays great and is something I love doing. I want to be an awesome musician, and sing better..not just average!

I have to raise my standards for everything! And I think organization is the key for me. I created a new calender for myself, and am filling in reminders, and setting up certain times to work on my goals. My hope is that these constant reminders will push me to do what's necessary to really be great at the things that are important to me.

One good quality I do have, is that I'm constantly examining myself (that sounds weird), and trying to keep myself on track. I remember reading a self help book a while back, and one major thing I took from it was that every day is a new opportunity for success. Whatever happened yesterday, is the past..what's important is what you're going to do today!

Mondays make me crazy

Weighed myself this morning and it was not good! I hate the fact that my weight fluxuates so much..i have like 4 lbs swings from day to day. I don't feel like I'm eating more than I did prior to the wedding push, but I must be! blah! I'd really like to lose 20lbs by september! ::hopes:: I'll try to start using the iPhone App LooseIt again, but I'm really bad with keeping up with entering what I've been eating. But if i can't push myself to do that, I'm not serious about my goal. Also want to stay consistant with doing exercises in the morning (or night). have to make this a priority!!

Saw the new iphone 3Gs last night at practice! While it is fast, and the video looks super smooth, the fact that it physically looks the same as my iphone 3G makes it a little easier to wait to upgrade. But I did have fun checking out some of the apps the rest of the band has on their iphones..Mouthoff seemed to be everyone's favorite.